We see traffic
coming up ahead
Turn on the news
Its all the talk
the 'accident'
We're gonna need patience
to make it past this
its gonna take some time
i'm sure neither one of them wanted the cost
but now
all that is left to do
is fix it
let's not have a hit and run
and she's gonna tell you
to drive up on the break down lane
cut through, its easier
and she's gonna say I'm a road block in the way
and she's going to try to find a detour for you
but little does she know
lifes a one way street
with a dead end
leading you to me
So let's go back to what she was saying
the choice may be easier and tempting
but sure...
is it worth the regret of a ticket in the end?
Trust me
someone will pull you over in the end
and make sure you're sober
because of your stupid decision...
because let's face it
she's not better than me
.... but then there's always time
to take a U-TURN
and come back around
Just might be your best post so far.
ReplyDeletethanks :D hahah do u love how much symbolism is in this!!!!!!!! haha
ReplyDeleteThis has a great idea, and you definitely have strong potential as a writer. But as the good writer you are, im hoping you take this constructive criticism as a way to further your "good" writing into something truly phenomenal. The symbolism is definetly there, but there might be too much to cram into one poem. If you're going with a symbolic poem, dont put anything in it to explain the symbolism. Interpreting the symbolism in your poem is solely the readers' job. If you read your poem, and feel the symbolism ist coming through, thats when you need to rework it so that it will. All in all you are a good writer, I wish you luck in your journey of literary furtherment.:)
ReplyDelete^^^^ Thank you so much :) i took out the parenthese! and i love constructive critism... and yours was very helpful so thank you!
ReplyDelete