My romanticized world

I'll allow something happy inside
I'll put up a wall to keep out the darkness
I need to shine...

I need to feel the warmth
get away from the coldness

I need to allow my heart to feel bliss
my soul to be free
escape this world
and create a romanticized world

one where every one's purpose is known
and everyone believes in themselves
self- esteem isn't a problem
where everyone believes in true love
hatred is rarely found
currency is forgotten
and stereotypes disappear
everything happens for a reason
people think positive
every one's excepted
every one's loved
every one's included
and where dream's really do come true

... but this world doesn't exist
but as soon as I close my blue eyes
and every time I fall asleep
this is the place where i can let my guard down

this is the place that i can feel blissfully happy
along with everyone surrounding me
and this may be my silly youthful romanticized world

... but wouldn't you care to join me?

Traffic

We see traffic
coming up ahead
Turn on the news
Its all the talk
the 'accident'

We're gonna need patience
to make it past this
its gonna take some time

i'm sure neither one of them wanted the cost
but now
all that is left to do
is fix it
let's not have a hit and run

and she's gonna tell you
to drive up on the break down lane
cut through, its easier
and she's gonna say I'm a road block in the way
and she's going to try to find a detour for you
but little does she know
lifes a one way street
with a dead end
leading you to me

So let's go back to what she was saying
the choice  may be easier and tempting
but sure...
is it worth the regret of a ticket in the end?
Trust me
someone will pull you over in the end
and make sure you're sober
because of your stupid decision...

because let's face it
she's not better than me

.... but then there's always time
to take a U-TURN
and come back around

once a lady

looking in the mirror
angry at the tears
that I allowed myself to cry
why
does it always seem to catch up with me now
I was ahead of the game not to long ago

but now I'm falling behind
get off the track
take some time

to let the tears roll down
let the love shine
in
if theres any left

Stupid boy
you don't love at all
so don't claim you have it with me

confused boy why you bringing me down with you?
i'm a second choice - and I refuse

lets the tears roll down
lets my thoughts of you
leave
go away
with the rest of the pain you caused me

and I hope life gives you hell
as payback as to what you did to me

my guard was down
broken - heartened girl
searching for anyone to love her

not gonna settle for less
not gonna settle for you
i'm not a second choice i refuse

once a lady
broken down to a girl
helpless
in this lying world

so let the tears roll down
let the sun shine in
once a lady
broken down to a girl
im growing up again

*** this i a song i wrote***

Promises are being kept a secret

Promises;
promises...
how i define it :
a commitment one puts on him/heself for all eternity

this definition should be changed
no one keeps a promise for all eternity,
at least not an important one

and in this world we live off of promises
as one can imagine
one can make soemones day
but promises are seldom and rarely kept,
which isn't usually bothersome
unless the most important thing to you
was a promise...

and I'll remember when the promise took place
where it took place
and how it was brought up
but
i'll remember just as clearly
as to how that promise, that dream
was shattered into a million lies

and I'll remember how I swore never to let anyone
promise me anything ever again like that
or how i relied on that promise
or how I saw the world differently after you said that,
and after you swore you meant that

this promise
these promises
are all covering the
secrets of reality
that promises are going to be broken
and sure no one should break a promise...
but who's going to stop it from happening?
Promises, are being kept a secret

go ahead

go ahead
and live your life
make yourself happy
please?
anything you want
anything you need
i'm here
i'll help

so i deserved it
deserved the lonliness
the cruelness
notice* how i said deserved
past tense.

I don't anymore
i deserve love right now
and everyone's trying to
give it to me
and I won't except it from anyone
but you
so until you love me again for atleast
two seconds
I'm incapable of loving anyone else

so i deserved the lonliness
the cruelness

but this torture
is slowly killing me
this torture
is murder

it was perfect

So i can officially stand up for myself
and decide to not let him play me
because I'm not an instrument
or a video game, or a sport
so no - i refused to be played

So today
let's just say
i got hooked on some one else :)

Haha life is soo good :)
ok i'm to gittery to type soo
i'm gonna go now
love you <333
vye ;)

HACKED!

Hi everybody! Umm...this isn't d.m.j. this time..well because she's been hacked. She's over my house right now so I decided to post this. Oh btw this is d.m.j.'s AMAZING friend o.m.d. 
Hi its d.m.j.'s sister! im d.t.j. ......teehee anyways dmj hides her deepest darkest secret in here b/c she basically lives in a fairy tale/soap opera world......and i WILL find her secrets!! "its a life its a secret" what are you hannah montanna????? but i love you<3333333333
So right now we're playing dress-up because that's what girls do at sleepovers (just incase there are any guys on here wondering.) Pretty soon we're moving onto prank calls...the normal sleepover fun...
my turn! ok anyways i want to wish everyone a happy martin luther king jr. day!!!!! and yes we dont go to school cuz someone "had a dream".....prank calls r so much fun especially when u preten to work at victorias secret  and u want to know if they ordered a miracle bra or bombshell......u should try it ........ALSO i want to mention tht  d.t.j is awesome!!!!!
Of course she is!!!  So to add onto the whole prank dial topic, it's also fun to pretend to be a business who takes people's organs at random times at night. And now...I'm just typing random stuff because I've noticed that d.t.j. writes a lot more than I do. I want to run a kind of quote by you people:
Dream it.
Live it.
Love it.
Well...I guess that's it. Bye guys!

The past

Have you ever just sat?
Sat in a dark room
no electronics
no noise
but with utter silence

it's odd
the only thing that interrupts this peaceful silence
is your thoughts

the thoughts that you don't want to think of
the 'what if's...'
start creeping into your mind
bringing you to a past
that you would like to stay in the past

you try to not think of the
should've
could've
would've
but in the silence
in that past
that's all you can think of
the regret, and the change you could've made to it
and people rarely congratulate themselves for their past...

and I have a past.
not a bad one, honest
just some times -
a young one.... because of some foolish mistakes
that obviously could've been avoided

and we all know
that just looking at the past
changes nothing
while sitting in a dark room
(but why do we do it?)

So how about we go into the light
and instead of thinking abouit the past
how about we decide to change it
take some action, change our bad decisions

So how about we go into the light
and change ourselves...

Something New... that was once there

Something New
He made me feel a lot
obviously
never knew what it felt to feel so much until i met him...

i always vent to him and
seem to always appear sad over the phone
or over texting, or somehow ready to give up on life
and I always know he's going to still be there for me
(because honestly, he's that great as a person)
but honestly why do i burden him with this
i mean, he is the only one who cares
but he doesn't need to listen to this -
i don't want to deal with it and its me...
why would he want to hear it?
But I kind of want him to be like SHUT UP
I DON'T WANT TO HERE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS
but nah. he's to great to do that...

But, still I'm not going to bring people into my sad time era right now
I'm just going to stay in it until some one who cares enough pulls me back out
I'm not going to 'reach out' for some one to help anymore
(some people build up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down)

Today I felt real again
appreciated
i realized how much people really do confide in me
even with me barely knowing them
a girl I just started talking to a week ago
will vent out to me her deepest secrets
and a boy will ask me for advice
and a girl I haven't talked to in about two years
will approach me and start off where we last left off
so
I'm realizing
it's not my place to be the complainer, or advice seeker
But its to be there for people
and listen...

That's the difference-
 for the past three months
I've needed help, advice, comfort
and appeared less to people who didn't know me
and I ruined a lot of chances
time to win those back...
time to get back
its time to be that girl that once people fell in love with

no more sorrow
no more hate
I'm going to be that girl who stays after class to talk to the teacher
to smile in the hallway
to ask people how they are
to sing loud as i want
to love once again
... I'm back
as something new ... that was once there

snow days of sorrow

Well I just had two snow days in a row!
And I should have been studying for midterms...
but of course not

I divided my day into quarters

Quarter 1: Go creep on peoples lives on their computer and pray for him to text me
Quarter 2: Lay in bed feeling sorry for myself
Quarter 3: Get rid of my new comforter (wait till you hear the pathetic reason)
Quarter 4 : Listen to Taylor Swift's new CD Speak Now

Well Guess why i had to throw out my new comforter.... Its only two months old and a beautiful shade of pink - it was because it had tear puddles of black from my eyeliner and mascara running when I cried. wow.

but why? why tears? as if they will drain the sadness from me and leave my body. no. this is the first time in my life i've ever felt something so powerful, something with this long term affect. and although I don't like the sadness- I like knowing what it feels like, what it feels like to feel

Then I listened to Taylor Swift, I believe she's the easiest person in the world to relate to especially in this new album! All I could do was hit the replay button for Last Kiss, then Haunted, Then Speak Now....... why is it that I could relate to everyone and it touched me in a different way each time... every song meant something!!!

But I don't only relate with her through her songs, but for the purpose of the entire album. She's writting her songs for words she needed to say
and I'm writting my blog for the very same reason...

i am a snowflake

I went outside
not all bundled up but i wore a jacket
and plopped down
to feel the coldness

i can relate to snow
the coldness of it
how it falls randomly
but it can be predicted

how once it falls
it keeps on falling and once it lands
some one picks it up
and shovels it off to the side

falling
spinning out of control
not knowing where to land
i am a snowflake
and right now
its a Storm

your worlds crashing

I feel bad
this is a different feeling of badness though
because i don't feel bad for myself
i feel bad for you

your worlds crashing
and the world is heavier than you can handle
so whose going to help you keep up the walls
for a while it was me im assuming
but i wont give myself the credit

but now who is it
you think its her
but its not
but lets pretend it is
who's stronger??

You finally developed to the new world
your new world
while everything was going on
and i was slowly dwindling down to nothing
you were growing

so a few days ago i accepted it
and finally moved on after loving you for about
109 days
and after you making me smile
atleast a thousand times
i accepted it and moved on

so if you don't care about me any more
why did you make it clear to me, him, and all of my friends
that it bothers you
that I could possibly move on from loving you
to someone else

but when i did this
it struck you hard
didn't it
and maybe everything doesn't happen for a reason in your world
but for me it does
and maybe the reason this is happening
is for you to realize
what every one else does...

that I was the one who made the mistake
but you are the one who didn't fight to fix it
so never again can you say
"I don't give up easily"

but i feel bad for you
because i know how it feels
to want to change something so bad
but are unable to
because its not your place to

so you proved you cared
and you realize you still care
now what are you going to do about it?

you claim to have made a decision
and that you chose her
but lets not lie to ourselves, shall we?

it was a glance

well its all gone now
what had so quickly taken place - quickly left
and i didn't believe it until now
i got a sneak peak at love

so i was on his tail -
i was keeping him from his new 'love'
and i learned my lesson
not to allow myself to fall in love so quickly unless
i know they are going to stay
maybe he'll learn a lesson too...

but i'm just saying
don't be shocked when I move on
because nothing is stopping me from going out with any of your
best friends
ok now that this is understood
i feel better ;)

Miss

but i don't honestly care what he's thinking right now
as long as he knows
KNOWS not thinks that I really do love him

what i know is that i don't only just miss him!
i miss that happy feeling
the feeling knowing he was there for you
that little explosion that happened when our eyes met

i really miss that hug
the REAL hug
i haven't had one of those in forever
it was some thing great and perfect

i miss having that competition with him
of seeing who could stay up the latest
I ALWAYS LOST
but he knew I was going to lose everytime anyway
and i miss that text saying
"you fell asleep like always haha good night I love you"

and then I'd wake up some time around 4:00 am
and read it and smile and try to fall back asleep
but then I always got excited because in three hours I was going to see him
... and then I'd always be tired the next day because i didn't go back to sleep
and since I was tired i always lost the competition!!!

He was always the first one to make me smile everyday
because he'd text me "Good morning angel <3"
and every time I read it I was happy
and although he did it everyday... I never
expected it.

I miss him waiting for me at the end of the day...
now I NEVER see him before I leave
and everyday I wait 3 minutes for him in our meeting spot.
and he has never shown up, I'd wait longer
but I'd miss my bus

I miss who I was
I really do
I was a really happy person
having people ask me why i was so happy
or why I had a huge smile on my face
now
they are asking
What's wrong?
or 'hows your situation"
because there is no hiding it.
but I'm 3% happy now compared to the 100% i was
1% - he is my friend
1% - some people still care
1% - he's happy with out me and he's happy with this other girl
(... when you're in love that person's happiness is essential to your own even if their happiness is making you 97% less happier)

Last Chance

I'm so selfish
really, I've been told.
Maybe in this case selfish is a good thing

but apparently I'm always
complaining about not something
when i do have it?

You tell me you love me
do you  know what an obligation that is?
I mean to say it back, well I'm not going to say it to anyone but him...

But i love one person
that's taken
and he's brave, he's strange, and confusing
and he's hurt me so many times

but i was never unhappy with him
its right now that i'm unhappy with him
RIGHT NOW!
and guess why
its because I'm not with him

so all I ask is that we have one last dance
one last kiss
so give me that one last chance to take it all back
and if  i mess it up...
this one last chance
I won't live