Time Period

This world;
I hate to say it -
but its going to hell

this time period
is so advanced
its hard to compete

and the things we are building
the technology
is better than us
we created something bigger than us

I'd like myself better,
if I was born into the correct time period
maybe i belong in the past?
Where it would be old fashioned
more modesty
and when songs were descent
and weren't including getting high
or having sex

maybe I'd like myself better
in the future
where no one was lesser than anyone else
and all the low life creeps
wouldn't live in it
(survival of the fitest, sweetheart)

maybe I'd like myself better
if there were more people
that didn't think they were judges
because the people
born in this time period
are the people who make it suck

no one's perfect; don't need to
tell me that twice
but maybe the life i'm living would be better...
maybe this time period would be better
if every person took a minute to think
am I making someone else's life harder to live?

If the answer's yes -
how about you change that?

Its all I want

Its all I want
Its all I had
Its all I lost
It all I have to gain
Its love

love
the thing he doesn't believe in
the romance
the seriousness
its all i crave
love

no one can understand
or comprehend
or even break it down
to their knowledge

to know how bad
I want him
to give me a kiss
it can be as awkward as he likes
just a peck
even if he actually misses
my mouth
I'd love that he attempted

I don't need anything
you know... sexual?
(HAHA i felt awkward typing that)

I just want someone to
love
kiss
and cuddle :)
seriously....

Its all i want - the love
Its all I had - the love
Its all i lost - the love
and all i have to gain is love

I want all of his awkwardness
I want his odd thoughts
I want his personality
I want him...
Its all I want

I'm going to convince him

So I've been talking to this boy
And he's been giving me the butterflies
And I love it

But I need to convince him that there is such a thing as love
... Because he doesn't believe in it

But like I'm really serious about convincing him
And I don't know why....
But like he's totally worth my time
I love talking to him

And I have the sense that there is
So much more complexity to him
Than he's letting on

Do I want him to believe in love?
Because I want him to love me?
Do I want him to believe in love?
So that I can love him...
Or
Do I want him to believe in love?
Because he deserves to have love in his life

I don't know him all that well
To be honest
But he is someone I want to know
I don't really know if there's a little
Hint of affection between us
Or if I just admire his words
I have a hard time telling the difference
Because I romanticize everything

I'm going to convince him
That he can love
I don't know how
And I don't know when
But I will try
And I hope
I will succeed

I love talking to him
I love the butterflies

BLAH

I'm sick...
So I'm VERY sick at home not allowed
to go back to school until Friday -.-
and i have pnemonia, bronchitus
severe sinus infection,
 and double ear infection

and I'm laying half- dead on my couch
(yesterday I was in the hosptial)
and all I can do is stay in bed
eat oatmeal
and drink hot chocolate
or atleast thats all I'm chosing to do

so I decide to go on the internet
and im just browsing the internet
and see a gross disturbing add
which makes my stomach turn
so I log off

then I'm trying to
figure out how to use my new inhaler
cus of my bronchitus and pnemoia
yeah, I'm pretty sure I over dosed on that

then my stupid nose spray
made me sneeze for like five minutes straight

my pill is so big
I could choke on it

but anyways I just wanted to complain
and I hope no one wasted their time reading this...
but if you did
you are a good person
but you need to get a life
HAHAHA

Little Girl

Oh darling, oh little girl
why do you feel so lonely in this large world
little girl yet you are here
your actions make things unclear
your appearance
still young
but your actions are younger
turn around and talk no truth
maybe intentionally so I can hear
but little girl its not me but you who is lost in this large world

for you are the one who is immature
talking about me like I have no clue
but the point of this is
you must not have anything better to do
so I don't mind, entertain yourself
and claim things of false to be true
but just no when you turn around to talk
know that karma will switch on you

Lost Cause

Not going to fight this
insanely wonderful-overwhelming- tingle
I feel in my blood, in my body,
in my soul when you are around

how you look at me with the look of
I know you are going to tell me so just tell me already!
Gives me a smile on my face that I can't resist

and when you look at me and your pupils enlarge
my eyes get locked on yours
and I can't look away until your stare diminishes

And when you smile
I can't help but be happy
in every possible way

And when you sing
although you think you sound bad
I wish you were singing to me
and I tell you to stop
(because I know you're not singing to me)

So I'm just this lost cause
and there's no cure
for the broken heart
shattered heart
that I will eventually receive
but until then
I live on hope, I live on faith
I live on my dreams
I live off of the prayers
that maybe one day
I won't be lost anymore
and maybe one day
I'll be more reassured that
I won't be a lost cause
and may be
you will find me

My letter

Dear __________,
Why is it that I try to convince myself of this one lie repeatedly over and over again: That I care affectionately for you no longer. I believe I do it for both of us, maybe so i don't cause problems in your life, or so I don't appear pathetic, or maybe because I'm scared of the fact that since October 17 I fell hopelessly for you. and since November 1 I fell in love with you. Maybe that's why. Maybe I'm scared because I'm younger. Maybe I'm too hopeful for this beautiful yet hateful world we are living in. You imtimidated me because I felt important to someone outside of my family.I felt loved, REALLY loved for the first time... and I reciprocated that. I never had loved anyone - ever. Maybe my life was just going away... really and once I left I didn't want you to feel as if you had to hold on or wait for me to return, because someone else deserves your love - and you deserve more love than anyone i know. Maybe i have a secret, that no one knows and I didn't know if you were going to be drawn in, and I cared too much to allow that to happen to you. maybe I felt awful that I wasn't as good as you. Maybe I was afraid of your views, of your free spirit. How you made me feel like I was on top of the world. All these feelings were good. too good. and it threw me off, because it was the best it had ever been. But I just want to tell you, no matter what, no matter who in this world tries to interfere, or how many times people tell me no, I'll know only you can affect my future... but no one can affect my past. And all i know know, is that I want to love you forever grow old with you and die with you.