My letter

Dear __________,
Why is it that I try to convince myself of this one lie repeatedly over and over again: That I care affectionately for you no longer. I believe I do it for both of us, maybe so i don't cause problems in your life, or so I don't appear pathetic, or maybe because I'm scared of the fact that since October 17 I fell hopelessly for you. and since November 1 I fell in love with you. Maybe that's why. Maybe I'm scared because I'm younger. Maybe I'm too hopeful for this beautiful yet hateful world we are living in. You imtimidated me because I felt important to someone outside of my family.I felt loved, REALLY loved for the first time... and I reciprocated that. I never had loved anyone - ever. Maybe my life was just going away... really and once I left I didn't want you to feel as if you had to hold on or wait for me to return, because someone else deserves your love - and you deserve more love than anyone i know. Maybe i have a secret, that no one knows and I didn't know if you were going to be drawn in, and I cared too much to allow that to happen to you. maybe I felt awful that I wasn't as good as you. Maybe I was afraid of your views, of your free spirit. How you made me feel like I was on top of the world. All these feelings were good. too good. and it threw me off, because it was the best it had ever been. But I just want to tell you, no matter what, no matter who in this world tries to interfere, or how many times people tell me no, I'll know only you can affect my future... but no one can affect my past. And all i know know, is that I want to love you forever grow old with you and die with you.